How was your childhood? What you hated about it and what you loved in it? Chances are, your kids will feel the same. Of course, our children grow up in a world so different from what was like when we were in their shoes.
Unlike the cartoons in my childhood, my son can now watch them in high-quality resolution and whenever he wants. Toys improved, clothes improved, playgrounds are way too funnier! But no matter the brightness they get to experience, there are many ways parents can fail in a modern era.
As part of blogtober, on October 8th, here are the eight most common ways you ruin it for your kids:
1 You doubt them.
2 You lie to them.
3 You’re a lawnmower parent.
4 You let them use technology too much.
5 You don’t read to them.
6 You don’t teach them.
7 You are too busy.
8 You don’t set up the routine.
Eight ways to ruin a childhood
Before the speak of reality, these are my top 10 parenting books recommendations to prepare yourself for major challenges.
1 What to Expect, Heidi Murkoff $9.39
I have all of these books and I’ve learned everything, from how to survive the first six weeks with a baby to how to discipline a stubborn threenager!
2 The Whole-Brain Child, Daniel J. Siegel $10.89
New York Times best seller on 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child’s developing mind
3 How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen, Joanna Faber $8.21
A must-have survival guide for anyone who lives or works with young kids (ages 2-7 years old)
4 The Montessori Toddler, Simone Davies $17.95
A parent’s guide to raising a curious and responsible human being! I love the Montessori method and use it to parent my son, so this book is the real gem I’ve recently found out!
1 You doubt them.
Oh boy, did it ever come to your mind that doubting your kids instead of sending an honest trust towards them is such a self-confidence killer? Kids of all ages need their parents to trust their choices, their skills and their game.
There’s this mom on the playground who doesn’t let her 3-year-old daughter climb the stairs to the slide alone and tell her all the time “you’re too small for that”. She always disapproves her daughter’s ability and stops the natural growth process.
A very dear friend of mine doesn’t let her 5-year-old son express his talents. When he asked her to buy him the drums, she told him “you’re only lying, you won’t play” and “you don’t know how to do that”. The kid actually has the skills and the rhythm, the only thing that’s left to do is give him the chance.
2 Childhood without lies.
When you lie to them, you open so many scary doors. Firstly, they lose trust in you and they will never open up with serious problems to you later in life. Secondly, they’re more likely to lie as well. Thirdly, you disrespect them.
White lies and big lies – it’s all the same to your kids. Don’t tell them you’ll be back in a minute when you’re about to stay out of the house for the whole day just to avoid the crying. You send a message that you don’t value them enough and that can make them feel pretty sad.
3 Lawnmower parenting – overparenting.
So, there are the helicopter parents – the ones you hover over their children like a helicopter all the time. But, there are also the lawnmower parents – parents who try to protect their kids from facing adversity, struggle or failure.
Lawnmowers will kill all the obstacles and stop the natural process when their kids are about to face some major challenges. Why this is bad? If we eliminate all the struggles instead of them having to deal with those alone, we don’t give them a chance to naturally adult and learn how to deal with failure.
I used to be the lawnmower parent myself. But I think it all stopped one day when a teacher called me in the middle of nowhere because my son wanted to come home to poop. See, kindergarten is 7 minutes away from our home, but I gently refused to go and explained to my son that he can do it, he’s a big guy and I trust him to do it on his own.
We’re one month after the situation happened and my big guy uses the toilet alone and takes a quick shower after that alone too. His inevitable happiness after achieving something on his own is not hard to notice and nowadays, there’s more space for the quality time as well.
So, for the sake of their future, stop running to them the minute they call you, stop bringing food to them and stop talking to their friends instead of them because they are shy. But be present and play with them, teach them how to do life, love unconditionally and give them as many chances as they need to grow up and do things on their own.
4 Technology is just a part of childhood.
Not all of it. I genuinely wow myself for giving my kid the ability to grow up in a happy surrounding, no matter the modern era. When most of the kids on the playground are typing on their phones, he chooses to play with that 1% who are not. He was always so picky about choosing friends!
Yes, technology is a must and yes, technology is fun and can be educational. But only one-two hours per day! Technology can never be as educational as true-life experiences, books and human contacts. Did you know that, in young ages, children brain develops faster and grows synapses when they move their eyes, hands and feet?
Screen time doesn’t help with the synapses growth with the minimal movement of the eyes, hands and feet. Real contacts and physical activity are way too important for health and happiness than the screen time is.
5 Books are the most important.
Help your little ones love books and you’ll make their lives easier. It’s so important that your kids develop a love for reading books at early ages when you can still naturally influence them. It will be one of the things you’ll never regret doing.
Through books, we can easily open a new chapter when the old one doesn’t satisfy us anymore. We develop imagination, social skills and empathy, we constantly learn and learning comes naturally to us. We boost our brainpower, bond with each other and have fun!
6 Teach me everything!
Each of us human beings is born to learn. You’ll notice that younger kids have too many questions in 60 seconds which can sometimes give you headaches. However, give your best to kindly answer the questions. This is just a phase, once they get older, questions will fade away.
Use the now to bond with them and teach them all that you can. Never say “you’re too young to understand”! Fall to the tone they can understand and explain at least something. You’ll be surprised when you find out how much they actually can understand.
7 You are too busy.
None of the jobs and chores you’ve just finished can bring back that special time. The now time. Well, I do talk about this a lot, but it is the truest thing that I need to always remind you of. Value the now because it will never exist again.
Value your kids because they have so much to say. Because they want to be with you, play with you and have a fulfilling childhood beside you. If my son needs me or wants me, I will sacrifice something to be with him. Even when it means I’ll have to stay up late that night to finish what I’ve started because my kid is important to me.
8 How lack of routine can ruin childhood?
In so many ways. Not having the right routine makes kids, especially younger, cranky, miserable and out of control. When they have a certain routine, they know what to expect and they easily do stuff in the right order, without the fight.
No hard words and screaming when it’s bedtime because they expect the bedtime after a shower and they look forward to reading and cuddling with you. Do you see what I mean? Life’s easier with routines and children are happier, growing up to responsible humans wiht the ability to manage their time the right way.
That’s it, hope it helps and inspires! Let’s connect and support each other! Use the comment section to tell us what you do to improve your kids’ childhood! 🙂
Post details
Blogtober 2020 info on Mommysup website: During October, a new post will go live every day for two weeks, except on Saturdays and Sundays.
October 1st: October goals in a world of craziness
October 2nd: Blogging schedule for success
October 5th: Things to do in October 2020
October 6th: 15 ways to celebrate motherhood this fall season
October 7th: Best holiday gifts for moms with young kids
October 8th: Eight ways you’re ruining your kid’s childhood (the one you’re in)
October 9th: Beginner’s guide: how to grow an email list faster?
October 12th: Monday blues & how to avoid it as a mompreneur?
October 13th: Keeping kids healthy during the fall season
October 14th: Toddler gift guide for every budget
October 15th: Fall clothing essentials for little boys
October 16th: How to brand your blog + free worksheets
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