For parents who can’t control their child other than by punishment, it can be a relieving fact to find out that their little sweetheart is actually HSC. All those nights spent thinking about what you did wrong are replaced with compassion for your child, but that still doesn’t change the fact that discipline must exist.

Well, to succeed in the best way, you need to keep tantrums to a minimum. And you will be able to do that only in the moments when the little one’s brain is relieved of unnecessary emotions. Therefore, we reveal the five common triggers that lead to an overwhelmed highly sensitive child.

But, first things first. This book, The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When The World Overwhelms Them by Elaine N. Aron, PhD, is one of the best sources you can learn everything from.

1 Too much stimuli

If you spent a long and fun day in the park with a friend whose child is also attending an English class with your child, don’t think there is anything wrong with your son if he refuses to go to the class. The girl who ate the same amount of food and did the same activities as he just walked in class, happy and content? Your son chose to scream and run. They are the same age.

People will tell you that he is spoiled and needs a little discipline. But remember that they do not have the same brain composition as your son. The brain of a sensitive person responds to dopamine differently, and mirror neurons are more active. So, your son not only feels his emotions but also thinks of others. Like a mirror, he seeks information from personal experience to empathize with others.

Therefore, don’t blame him for not being ready for class. He did his best in the park, and he went through every piece of information in detail. Too much activity and too much information, one after the other, are one of the most common triggers that lead to an overwhelmed highly sensitive child.

Related: Parenting A Sensitive Child: Accepting Difficult Emotions

2 Physical discomfort

As someone who grew up not knowing that my sensitivity was actually power, I couldn’t accept it for a long time. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I didn’t know. Both my parents and grandparents worked hard to earn money so that my brother and I could have the best childhood, and in fact, they missed a lot. They had no choice, but I did.

Another book recommendation: The Highly Sensitive Parent: Be Brilliant in Your Role, Even When the World Overwhelms You Hardcover, by Elaine N. Aron, PhD.

I did not know my rights, but my child and other children whose parents I have the opportunity to influence will know. My concentration in math class on Thursdays in my second year was low due to my body feeling discomfort. It was the last class of the day, and I was hungry.

And how does HSC feel when he is hungry, tired, or when his clothes are uncomfortable? Discomfort that doesn’t allow him to relax his muscles and concentrate on anything! Still, this is easy to solve. While the children are small, we must provide them with balanced meals throughout the day and carry healthy snacks everywhere.

When they grow up and are obliged to do it themselves, they will be responsible for not forgetting that step. They will be able to recognize the signs in their bodies and will be able to react to any discomfort in a positive, conscious way. Because we taught them so.

3 Performance

Any form of performance is sadly a big trigger for your happy and calm kid to transform into an overwhelmed highly sensitive child. Whether it’s a school test, a sports game, a concert or simply if someone asks him to answer a question in front of complete strangers – your child will be followed by horror.

I will never forget when my then five-year-old was supposed to have his first English test. English is not his mother tongue, yet he speaks it with understanding quite well. At home, full of confidence, and on the test, he turned into a little monster who creates chaos and answers every question with “I don’t know”.

No, I am not responsible for my child’s emotions and in no way is my son to blame for the feelings that overwhelm him. But what I am responsible for is guiding him on the right path. Shortly after that event, my son burst into tears and recalled the situation.

I told him that he has every right not to love that day and that negative feelings are an integral part of life and that it is okay that you are not always happy with your performance. I told him that it was hard for me too when I first faced the stage fright and that every experience is a way to learn something new.

I encouraged him to practice by asking him to greet a neighbour and buy ice cream by himself. We sang together loudly while riding our bikes. We read books about stage fright and, after a few months, things got much better at school.

4 The new, dangerous and unknown

All three things are actually what embarrasses us all in front of a big world in which we are just tiny numbers. If you know a few, or at least one, person who is HS, then you know how much these people fill the day with their intelligence, humour, love and spontaneity.

And yet, unconsciously, spontaneous and fun people, as we know them, don’t really like new things. That means new people, new places, and new situations. They will avoid this at all costs, and if they can’t, they will want to know everything that awaits them.

My son loves to travel! However, he always brings his books and a couple of current favourite toys from home. But children’s birthdays are a terror for him. What I can do for him is allow him to choose whether he wants to attend a birthday party and whether he wants to participate in games or not. If he would rather sit with me – that’s ok.

Of course, you will not always be able to avoid all unknown situations. But always try to prepare a child in advance. In this way, you respect his way of being in the world, that it is okay to be different. Also, you will avoid tantrums this way! Whenever you can avoid something unpleasant, ask your child: Are you ready to take the risk today?

5 Overthinking

When there is no need to worry, and everything goes according to plan, you will find your child overthinking. And if something goes wrong, three nights will not be enough to convince him that the world is still beautiful and that he should not worry so much.

You should not go through this lightly but return to the event within the child’s thoughts. Try to point out to him the positive aspects of everything, and if there are none, say that every new experience is important. Remind him of your similar experience and tell him you feel ok with it now. Everything needs exercise.

And what about “I can’t do this”? No one is afraid of failure more than an HS person. If your child thinks he is not up to the task, you will soon be standing shoulder to shoulder with an overwhelmed highly sensitive child again. They are perfectionists.

Tell the child that noticing the details is a plus. Tell him that trait sets him apart from the majority, but by no means belittle others around him. Explain to the child that each of his peers is different in his way, but do not compare children.

Don’t just assume that he can do everything. Sometimes, your kid won’t cross the comfort line. Sit with him and talk through the insecurities. What makes him think he can’t do it? Remind him that it is ok to fail. And, of course, encourage him to try if he’s not too tired.

These kids can bring so much to the world. No one has the right to shut them down, and they have all the right to be unique and beautiful. To ensure they grow up as confident, honest humans, communicate with them on a deeper level. Communicate with them in a way they know that you support their feelings of validation.

Related: Confident Parenting In a Chaos Full of Fun