Like yourself reading this, I am the mom who puts her child right in the centre of her Universe. I am here to listen, care, love and lead through life. But I am also a mom who stops to over-think a situation in which her son has experienced a bomb of difficult emotions because I am parenting a sensitive child.

All kids are fragile because the world feels new, scary and big to them. However, one of the twenty percent of children born with a nervous system that is highly aware and quick to react to everything need a little bit of extra routine.

Needles to say, there is nothing wrong with our sensitive kids. HSP (highly sensitive person) isn’t a disorder or a condition, but a personality.

An HSP is easily overwhelmed by negative things and honestly moved by beauty. Our biggest role in parenting sensitive children is helping them learn how to use positivity and gently deal with over-stimulating situations.

10 signs you’re parenting a sensitive child

1 Your child expresses the need to be left alone in his quiet place often.

2 Big emotions are coming through without any particular reason daily.

3 Your child gets angry and even aggressive in stressful situations.

4 There are tears all over the place.

5 He notices changes in odour and the little details.

6 He is extremely attached to you.

7 You have noticed a high level of empathy in him.

8 His energy has no bounds.

9 There are physical signs, like headache, dizziness too.

10 You’re raising a perfectionist.

Your highly sensitive child needs you.

These 10 statements are what I notice in my son’s behaviour almost every day. Ever since he was a baby, he was a little bit different. He was the loudest one in the hospital, and he could not even sleep through the night.

We had to give up on daily naps when he was almost 2 years old, and don’t ask me how hard it was (and still is) for him to fall asleep! No matter how tired he was.

However, I’ve learned soon enough that HSPs are what they call “terrible sleepers”. That’s ok, because brains never sleep, especially when our day was overwhelming. So, imagine how much information the brain of a highly sensitive child has to process each day (because every day feels overwhelming to them)?

Now, I’ve come up with the 5 best strategies to parent our emotional little souls positively. It sure is hard for you to stay a calm leader, but your kid needs you. Keep reading…

1 Acceptance.

Here’s where to start the journey: at acceptance place. Like I said previously, there is a logical explanation of why these children act differently (their nervous system acts differently).

They are not spoiled nor bad, and their actions are not wrong. They are just different. Accept that. I’d like to explain this, so here are the examples of each of the ten signs of high sensitivity I mentioned previously in the text with a solution.

1 Don’t force your kid into a crowded birthday party, but sit with him until he’s ready.

2 Even if it might sound there’s no reason for them to feel irritated by everything when they come home from kindergarten, there always is a reason. They may feel overstimulated. Gentle hugs in a quiet place usually help.

3 If the kid suddenly starts yelling or throwing things when you’re having guests, it probably became TMI for him. Ask him to follow you (or gently take him) to the room and discuss the problem. Mention that you understand.

4 Whatever cause the tears, don’t ask him to stop. Say that it’s ok to let negative emotions out, kiss/touch/hug him and stay close if he needs you.

5 When he points out a bad smell, no matter where you are, don’t say “you can’t say that in public”. He’s honestly bothered by a bad smell, so cherish his honesty and quietly ask your kid to whisper you that kind of opinion next time because it’s not polite. Don’t embarrass him. Build trust.

6 If he feels safe with you, let him stay. Enter the group together and slowly start walking away from him. If he needs you again, jump right in without making a big deal out of it.

7 These kids notice whenever someone is upset, hurt or happy. Give help to others together whenever possible, hug him and answer every question if something turns out not to be a happy ending.

8 An HSC will sit politely and do what he’s told when in school or other groups. He will hold his emotions safely in, which will stimulate the brain a lot more. Later at home, your kid will have a lot of energy to burn. Offer him a variety of physical activities each day.

9 They complain about headaches, chest pain or similar if they are overwhelmed. Always give a quiet time to recover.

10 Your HSC will cry over a different decor room or if you move something slightly away from its original place. Everything must stay perfectly set, and new things scare the hell out of them. Respect, but also try not to pay too much attention and validate that.

2 Routines.

Not only a highly sensitive child will react to the lack of routine negatively, but every other child too. Having a set of proper routines throughout the day feels secure because they know what they can expect after.

The world is already too scary and too excited for them. It’s even scarier when they have to put away the toys because suddenly it’s bedtime. Everything else that stimulates the brain with unwanted emotions a little more might cause tantrums when the kids don’t feel safe enough.

You wouldn’t want to schedule every minute, but there are certain things you should keep constant every day: sleeping schedule, evening routine, and morning routine. My son wakes up anywhere between 7-7.30 AM and goes to bed around 8 PM.

Our bedtime routine consists of walks/free play, dinner, shower, brush teeth, reading and stories. We sleep in on weekends and stay awake past the regular bedtime if we’re on an adventure. But the bedtime routine always stays the same (unless he fell asleep somewhere).

Make sure not to offer the bedtime, but make it a happy must. Don’t ever jump on your kid with “bedtime, let’s go brush teeth” when he’s quietly playing. Lower your voice, tell him “ten more minutes to play, and then it’s bedtime routine”.

A timer might help as well. Once the bedtime routine becomes a habit, it’ll get easier for the kiddo to transition from daily activities to quiet time.

Most families would agree that mornings are stressful and tempting for them to raise their voices or punish their kids. Keep in mind that your kid feels just the same, and he’s only choosing a different method to show it.

A sensitive child will throw tantrums if you rush him with anything. He will also procrastinate with doing other things while you’re boiling from inside if the place you’re about to go feels scary to him.

They don’t do anything on purpose. They just have their method to deal with the world. To avoid the morning stress, finish everything you can the night before. Make breakfast, pack a lunch box, talk about the hard feelings your child might be experiencing, mention the positive outcome.

Related: Establishing the correct routine

3 Meal schedule and healthy food.

Most children eat every three to four hours throughout the day. Having a meal schedule is as important as having a morning and evening routine. It will keep their blood sugar level and energy consistent, so there will be less stress in the body and mind. Make sure to feed healthy and nutritious food; poor nutrition is a trigger to crankiness, low energy and stress.

Since a highly sensitive child is probably what they call a “picky eater”, you need to brace yourself with calmness. My son is not too picky because we offered him choices ever since he started eating solid foods. However, he despites when I mix the spaghetti and the sauce. So, I bought divided plates and bento lunch boxes which has helped a lot.

If your sensitive child experiences food aversion, get yourself a good food processor and sneak in some extra veggies in waffles. Make green smoothies and rainbow smoothies (NutriBullet is affordable but so good). Get creative! Also, read this guideline for a healthy diet according to the age here.

4 Slow guidance.

Parents these days popularize the Montessori “follow the child” method for a good reason. It stands for focusing and letting the child do things that interest him while you stay close enough to guide him through if needed. We are not our children’s leaders, but we are their teachers.

We should observe our children. We should let them choose the toys they like and avoid activities that are no fun to them. Let’s be the silent observers to understand the choices our kids make. As teachers and role models, our goal is to stay aside and be ready to jump in when they need us.

5 Show them how and shower them with information.

Finally, to raise a loving, intelligent, healthy and happy highly sensitive soul, take time to talk about consequences and show your child how to approach the problem. Point out the physical symptoms without making them feel guilty.

“If you eat chocolate now, you will miss the lunch. So you’ll feel hungry and cranky later when we go out on a playdate with your friend.”

Teach how to handle a crisis, because you won’t always be around (in kindergarten). No one has ever complained to me about my son verbally or physically attacking another kid. However, some other kids are not always being polite to my son. There were several times he came home with scratches.

Crisis freak him out, he often refuses to go back tomorrow so we have to deal with separation anxiety again. One night, we talked about different methods of coping with a stressful situation and finding a solution to each problem.

“If someone punches you, ask of them to stop; if they don’t stop, push them away with your hand”, I said to him. “When you’re feeling sad or anxious, find a quiet place to cry out or if not possible, focus on your breathing and count to ten. That always helps me.”

Showering your sensitive child with the information they seek is the best thing you can do. First of all, they absorb like sponges, so let’s grow those synapses. Secondly, the world feels scary when you’re little. Knowledge makes them secure to socialize, survive and stay motivated.

Final thoughts.

Focus on the happy moments, problems and all the other small (BIG) stuff your kid wants to share with you. Process the bad feelings together, share hugs, offer a solution to a problem, give advice and get back to the positive ones again. Always accept the feelings and don’t judge.

Do lots of fun learning activities to stimulate the brain in a good way. Exercise, go to the park and play a lot to burn off the extra energy. Follow routines to avoid meltdowns, but give a chance for him to make choices and grow independent.

Never force into certain activities, but offer a lot of them. Follow your child to see what he likes most doing. Help him strive for more, focus on goals and happiness. Help him learn to acknowledge himself.