Oh boy, so we talk discipline again. Just when you thought the party’s finally starting now that your 4-year-old has figured out how to cope with his feelings, there’s a BANG and a “whaaaaaa” in the distance.

You’re angry, you want to yell “I told you a million times!”, you want to blame it all on him, use force or bad language. But you should do neither of those.

Keep in mind, even though there’s a tiny bit of impulse control inside of him, your little one is still little. And you’re still responsible. There’s still so much to figure out.

The world still feels terrifying to the one who still gets emotionally upset when he’s angry, sleepy or somebody took his toy, right (not so bad as in previous years, but still, upset)?!

This means that we need to teach them how and where to show their emotions. How to get rid of bad emotions and how certain situations result in them feeling bad.

For instance, when they refuse their lunch but they have a playdate later, they’ll get cranky and tired because of an empty stomach. That’s a simple consequence of life which we adults perfectly understand, but little humans very poorly.

So, instead of using a disrespectful method and low their self-esteem, I suggest you actually discipline instead. To do so, you’ll have to be able to accept discipline as it is, a teaching method.

All that I know about discipline comes from certified books (50%) and my intuition (50%).

Here are the books that I use daily to keep my sanity, as well as positive discipline on track:
1  The Montessori Toddler by Simone Davies, $10.99
2  Raising the Challenging Child by Karen Doyle Buckwalter, $14.69
3 What to Expect: The Congratulations, You’re Expecting!
Gift Set by Heidi Murkoff $18.79

Discipline is not boogieman and scary monsters.

Discipline comes from Latin and it means learning, yet so many people forget the fact. Why do we discipline anyways, and what is the best method?

While we all know a four-year-old can’t control the impulses fully, we also know there’s a tiny smoke of “might” in the distance. At that moment of life, you constantly wonder has your child been acting disobediently or he couldn’t control the little hands.

You know you have to bring a lot of discipline but where do you draw a line? How strict should it be? And what to do when you are raising a strong-willed kid? Well, you do almost everything the same as the book says, except for one thing: you follow your instincts on a bit longer path.

PLUS, there’s another thing approaching their life now that they’re older. They think that they are old enough to make choices for themselves. Choices that are eager to make you lose your temper, like “we should have cookies for breakfast today” and “I can cut watermelon with your big scary knife because I’m big now too”.

Here’s how to survive a “not more threenager, welcome to knowledgable four” phase the easy and positive way! Follow these four rules starting from today.

Rule 1: Stay consistent with feelings.

You shouldn’t get angry over them being disobedient after acting “properly” for two hours straight. That’s a sudden change that they cannot understand, especially if you let them catch boredom. Plus, they’ll learn nothing.

Our kids are our responsibility. We teach them life and consequences. So, when mom got mad saying “why did you put my phone in a bubble bath”, they see nothing except mom’s angry face. They learn nothing from that. Ok, they learn why people get mad.

But, you shouldn’t be mad at your kid if you were cleaning for two hours and left him to entertain himself for that long. This is super hard when you’re having one kid! Remember to always pause your work to make sure he’s not sad, hungry or similar.

Read my guide on how I manage to get things done, be productive (with my son beside me) and still have a self-care Sunday here.

If a situation happens, anyways, here’s what to do. Explain why they should never do anything similar while staying calm. Give all the fact of why something is bad for them, the others or the environment. That’s the only way kids can hear you as a voice of reason.

Build trust, show love, look after them and teach them life. If you take feelings away just for punishment, they’ll want to do the opposite of what you taught them. So, act with love, teach with love.

Rule 2: Parents thinking as one soul.

Hey, all you lovely parents, it’s ok to disagree with one another’s choices. We’re all different, we all look at life from different perspectives. We probably have some hobbies on our own or unique ways of solving things.

Here’s my ultimate parenting guide about making plans for kids to improve their life!

Join the rest of us, conscious parents, and download today for free! 😉

Ultimately, we’ve all had our parents discipline us using their methods which probably have been different from other parents’ methods. So, why would you bother yourself going crazy over your partner not sharing your feels? It’s totally common and normal.

But. You should breathe as one soul when parenting. Here’s how to make things possible. Even when one of you disapproves of another one letting the kid do something, leave your feelings to rest peacefully until you two are alone. Then talk and share all the worries so you can figure out where’s the line.

Acting differently, letting it go out of you without impulse control, may send the wrong message. Even though you probably didn’t mean to hurt anybody’s feelings, the little one won’t understand.

All those nights my husband and I spent negotiating about rules and we don’t regret a single night. We chose to think ahead of any drama and we mostly stayed in front of dramas.

Breathe deeply, put the kid to sleep, then talk. Never in front of your kids. You want them to treat you as an authority, so don’t show hurt feelings or worries in front of them.

Rule 3: Discipline everybody else, too.

If this sounds strict to you, then don’t go there. Children can be disciplined by multiple sources and by a single source. It’s up to you. Whilst some things must be told to everyone, there are few things you can let grandparents or nanny do on their own.

For instance, you may let the kid stay in pyjamas all day when staying with grandma even though it’s a BIG no at home. We all know how this can mess up the routine, but every house has its own rules which you, sometimes, can’t change.

So, just letting you know – it’s ok to accept them and discipline your kid in multiple ways. And it’s ok to let someone spoil your little one in a way you don’t do and let him/her have several role models.

Because letting him stay cosy all day at their house is not a rule you’ve agreed on at your house. Act like the kid’s on a vacation. You can’t ruin discipline and routine if the kid doesn’t stay there and act like that too much.

BUT, be aware of these! If you let a child stay in pyjamas all day at grandma’s home and then change your mind another day, you’re all doomed to hell. Kids find us devils when we say no because others usually don’t say too many nos.

Kids also find us non-reliable when we randomly change our minds. Then they stop believing us and we lose our authority. Don’t go there. Ideally, you should discipline everybody else that takes care of your little one. And everybody else that is being around your little one a lot.

They should all remember that chocolate is “no way” before lunch. It isn’t lunchtime until hands are washed (even though he/she washed them ten minutes before). And surely playtime can’t be at 6.30 PM when it’s time to calm the nerves down and prepare for the before-bed routine.

You’re not rude if you politely ask people to care about your kid. You are conscious about his/her future.

Rule 4: Learn to let go.

The art of letting go of your bad choices and demons is crucial in parenting. We beat ourselves way too much over simple things. From counting their sugar intakes per day to thinking of smart activities to represent them, we’re all a nuclear bomb of insecurities.

Did you yell today? Let go. Ignored the kid because you were too busy making lunch? Let go. Whatever it is, just let go and start new. You’re human and it’s good to show.

Don’t forget to…

LOVE YOURSELF, download my freebie and share some words with us, we’d love to hear your story! 🙂